Fairness and Peaceful Mind

Who is Right? Who is Wrong? What is Fairness?

Everybody has different idea about fairness. That is why it’s good for us to have mutually agreed rules around us as a guidance. Slapping a person on the face is fair for someone, because they feel that someone has done something unfair to them. Beating up a thief badly is fair for someone.

We think that we are right because the idea of fairness in our mind says so, and we feel that we are wrong because the idea of fairness in our mind says so. Your idea about fairness in your mind is abstract and applicable only for you. You can’t force other people to have the same idea about fairness as you. You can persuade them, but most of the time it’s bad for you to force them. It’s maybe why you are close to people who have the same idea about fairness as you.

What happen if you FEEL that someone hurt you or has done something unfair to you?

  • What would you do?
  • Is it really unfair or it’s just your tricky mind about fairness?
  • Would you punish them as fair as your fairness in your mind tells you?
  • What EMOTION do you feel when this happens?
  • Would you stay calm and peaceful, or you will let your fairy emo takes control as fair as possible?

Please ask those questions to yourself before you take any response on retaliatory action, when you FEEL that someone has done something unfair to you, no matter how hard your fairy emo tells you to take whatever actions it’s suggesting. Even if your friends or families support you or the mutually agreed rules states that you are right. Make sure that everything you would do from this point, will still lead to your final goal.

Peaceful Mind

This may help you to have a peaceful mind. Works for me. Whenever you FEEL someone is unfair to you:

  1. Ask yourself whether you had done your best to make sure that this is not happening to you?
  2. Smile.
  3. Universe will be on your side and that someone will be punished by their own deed.
  4. Smile.

Think about it. Every action has its own consequences. Consequences of the same nature. If they’ve done something good, they will get something good. So, if they’ve done something bad to you, they will get something bad also in their life. Because, if it is so, they are not doing that only to you. They are doing that to people around them and with that negative mindset, will bring them to negative situation. They are doing that because their idea about fairness tells them to take that actions and every action has its own consequences of the same nature.

However… What if, you FEEL that someone has hurt you. Has done something unfair to you. But they still live a good life and get positive consequences which is very different than what you have hoped or think of? Do you get angry? Will it occupy your mind uncomfortably for a day or two or even more? If this happen, most of the time, it is you who get negative consequences and mostly it will not get you to your positive goal. ~As stated in his book, Ajahn Brahm wrote, “If you have any view that causes more conflict and suffering, that is not the truth”.

So, what should we do then? How do we know that they are the one who did something bad and not our idea on fairness is the one which brings us to more conflict?

Personally, I will not think of who or which is good or bad. I will back to basic, take the best response towards my big goal on every condition. No matter how sneaky your negative emotion is, which makes you imagine, how satisfying it is to know that something bad will happen to someone who hurt us, you should try harder to think and focus more to take action towards your goal and ignore that satisfying thought which is actually useless.

Notes: What I meant about mutually agreed rules are rules that are around us. It can be Country Law, States Law, Environmental Law, Customary Law, Religious Law, or any laws that are around you.

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