One of the most useless things in this world for me is blaming conditions or other people. It’s just feeding your emotion and doesn’t lead you to any good.
One day, you both will be in a condition where you are thinking that why I am not prettier than she is, why I can’t be as friendly as she is, why I can’t cook better than she is, why I can’t sing as good as she is, or any complaints in your mind of why you just can’t be better than someone else. You are not alone. Everybody does including me.
There is a born rich man, 30 years old, his name is Brandon. His father own a very big company. Brandon has a best friend named Frans. Not as lucky as Brandon, Frans struggles in life, and one day, Frans ask Brandon about a small business Frans is running and Brandon which is actually smarter and has more experience and knowledge, told Frans everything he knows to Frans. Instead of receiving the knowledge and thinking about the solutions and benefit Frans will get, Frans has many other thoughts.
Frans is thinking:
- You can say all those things just because you went to a good school since small. Your father could afford to pay the fee while my father could not. If I went the same school as you, I could be smarter than you.
- You are born rich. You never struggle like I do. You have those experience, knowledge, and insights just because your father is rich. It’s not from your own ability.
- Your advice is all crap. Hmm.. Yes it might some of it is true and feasible. But if you are in my shoes, I don’t think you can do better than I do.
- It’s all just because you are so lucky to be born rich.
- God is not fair. Why Brandon is born rich and I am not? Who say that God is fair and everyone has the same blessings?
Ring a bell of someone who are like Frans? Or may be you are like Frans right now?
I want to share my thought which may help you one day, by using Event + Response = Outcome – “Jack Canfield, The Success Principle”.
Frans’ Goal at First is finding a solution for his small business he is struggling. Frans’ condition is struggling and has his friend, Brandon to share the problem and ask for his solution. The story doesn’t tell you about Frans decision, but from the thought that Frans has, it is likely that Frans’ decision is to ignore Brandon’s advice. By now, you may know what my decision is if I am in Frans position. It is listening and take every advice, which may help me to find the best decision for my goal. Anybody’s advice can be helpful. Anybody. However now, I want to share my opinion about Frans’ thought which is really useless for me.
- No matter how rich or poor your friends are born, does it affect on how you are born and your condition now? No.
- No matter how talented or talentless a person is, does it affect your talent? No.
- No matter how hard working a person is, does it affect how hard working you are? No.
- No matter how hard you complain and no matter how creative your negative thoughts to find the negative sides on a thing, does it affect your condition to bring you to your goal? Unless your goal is a negative condition, the answer is No.
- Everyone is born differently. Negative people will think that God is not fair. Let say if everyone is born the same, I am sure that negative people will still think that God is not fair because of something negative that they can think of. Everything has its own positive and negative side.
I had a thought once, when my friend told me that God is not fair. If God is fair, God will make everyone has the same happiness, the same wealth, the same health, everything will be the same. Then I thought, it may be true. I see a lot of people suffer because they have no money, while I see many other people have an abundance of wealth even since they were born. As a positive person, I tried to think positively. Happiness is relative and happiness can’t be measured by wealth. People who’re born rich is enjoying the effort of their parents or ancestors. But why? We can’t choose how we’re born, right?
Is it true that God is not fair? The answer is just God is fair or God isn’t fair, right? Since then, I don’t care if God is fair or not. Whether God is fair or not, it doesn’t change my condition right now. For I believe that God is kind and I believe that only my decision and God’s kindness can change my condition towards my goal, I stop thinking anything about complaining or blaming any condition, and start focusing on what I truly want to achieve, understanding the condition that I can’t change, and carefully choosing decisions which lead me to my goal.
So stop complaining and blaming others or your condition. It doesn’t bring you any good. No matter how envy you are, how hard you complain, or how different you are born, it doesn’t change your condition right now to be better. The point is, what your decision is to achieve your goal will matter. That’s it.
One more story that I experienced it myself. Sean owns a company that is already running well. Since Sean likes to share and inspire others, he always spares his time to share his knowledge to his employees. One day, Sean heard from one of his employee that John, one of Sean’s employee, said that Sean is always inspiring just because Sean wants the company to run better. It’s all just for Sean’s own good and enjoy his time with his family, while all the employees fight hard to run the company.
Sean doesn’t get any negative thought on it and ask John for a lunch. Sean asked John, “What do you think of me John? Am I a good and kind person who spare the time to inspire you all, which actually I don’t need to? Or I am a bad and greedy person, who is doing all that just for my own good?”
John may be just a normal employee, who answer as you may guess. John answer, “You are a kind person.”
Sean is a very wise person and he told John, “You think so John? There is only Two answers, right? I am a kind person or a bad person. I may be kind or I may be bad. Now I want you to ask yourself, John. What is the benefit for you when I do all that? Do you get any benefit from me? If the answer is yes, my advice to you, you don’t need to care whether I am a bad or a good person. Just focus on what benefit that you will get from me. That’s it.”